Quick Message

The soul is not contained within the limits of the body, the body is contained within the limitlessness of the soul.

Lurking in The Shadows

We've seen the light and the beauty of all the colors in this world 
But it is time to look past the colors and see the black and white
More importantly than that 
It is time for us to notice the gray in the shadows of what is black and white

Your Eyes are Now Open

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out… ENOUGH! Enough fighting, crying, blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

                                                    This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you… and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself… and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself… and in the overlook their shortcomings and human frailties… and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with. You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that ‘alone’ does not mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people… and you lean not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

To Make Up...a Second Chance

There I was alone, naked, 25 steps from north side of the wall to the south, 12 steps east to west, a cot, toilet, and sink. There was no soap or toilet paper most of the time, meals at 5 am, 11 am, 4 pm, and lights on for 24 hours. There was no explanation of why I was in here or how long I would be and then she appeared to me again. I slowly started to fade out and the reasons started to appear.

Rewind to two years before, I am sitting in the ER with my son because he has an terrible case of poison ivy all over his body and we are there to get him a shot. Then I awake, in a hospital bed, how did I get here? I think it’s the next day? A friend comes in the room with a shit eating grin saying “what the hell are you doing here man? “ I respond with I don’t know? “well, are you ok?” he asks.  Yea I just do not know how I got here? He tells me that while waiting in the ER I passed out unresponsive and they do not know why. Neither do I? He hands me a Pepsi bottle full of whiskey and says “here I figured you were thirsty”. I tell him thanks and he leaves. I go straight to the bathroom and throw the bottle in the trash, not because I do not like whiskey but I’m in the hospital and still not really sure why?

I awake two more friends in the room, one more of what I would call a random acquaintances. Apparently they have been here for a while and we’ve been talking but I just woke up? I ask them if they do not mind to leave that I am tired and need to rest. They part ways and I fade out.

Again I awake and this time there she is standing against the wall. I know she’s not real and run out into the hall. A bell rings and it’s like the end of a school day at elementary school. There’s little kids everywhere laughing, smiling, skipping, this is not real!! I know I am hallucinating. I run into the room and call my mother and tell her something is wrong very wrong I am seeing things I know are not real do not bring my kids here to see me!! I would later find out this is two days after my friend, and the random acquaintance where there.

For the next 3 months I would have these split seconds where I would awake. One of the first of those I can remember I was standing outside the hospital in the snow, only in a pair of basketball shorts, no shirt or shoes, smoking a cig. I awoke long enough to realize this and then nothing. I came to once over top of my sister in my room, eyes only inches away, and I was standing on the arms of her chair squatting down in her face. Then her eyes open in extreme fear and then I fade away.

The next time I come to a man is washing me and I’m in the ICU. He says “Is that you Joshua?” I try to say yes but I can barely talk. He says “Is that really you?” Again I barely squeak out a yes. “How’s your chest feel” he ask. Now that he mentions it, it is super soar. He says “Look down and you will see a softball size bruise on your chest, that is where we had to hit you with adrenaline to bring you back to life, you went out on us for a second”. He smiles and I look down and fade away.  This time I would find out later that apparently I had been in some kind of mad rage. I was in a straight jacket and fighting all the male nurses and security and I must have been winning because they had to tranquilize me but they overdosed me and had to jump start my heart with adrenaline.

Everything is blurry something is in my throat I cannot speak and can barely see but there is my mother and I am trying to ask her what has happened and why? I remember her having me write down the questions because she could not understand me. The only thing I remember her saying is “I don’t know” and I fade away.

I come to in a dreamlike state of mind. I am in a hospital room and there is someone laying there in a bed on life support. I try to focus in, oh shit that’s me. As soon as I realize that I was looking at myself all of a sudden an unexplanable light overwhelms everything, I hear “not ready” and instantly eyes open a doctor has a shocked look on his face, I feel my body gasp for air as the tube comes out of my throat, I see my mother and sister crying and fade away. I had died and came back when they were taking me off support.

I awake this time in a new room, I am no longer in ICU and I feel nasty. I go into the bathroom to shower and when I come out I am going to get coffee, how I know this is ok for me to do? I do not know? I start to step out of my room and I hear the nurses across the hall. “That poor boy took another shower at 4:30 in the morning”. “I know it is so sad he is so young, I don’t think he is going to come out of it”. Wait, they are talking about me. How many mornings have I showered at 4:30? This was the day I slowly started coming back but walking down the halls and seeing nurse’s jump or walk to the other side of the hall in fear of me. What had I done? What had happened to me? The doctors never really did explain or know what happened to me during this time, some say they overdosed me in steroids, some say I was on drugs, some think I was possessed. Personally I do not know, I know it was not drugs. I know whatever it was it cost me almost 2 years of my life. It would take me well over two years to get over because look where I am at. I’m in solitaire confinement and I am not sure why? Am I crazy?

Back to my cell and there she is again, the same little girl I seen all those months back ago in my hospital room. I had been told I talked to her everyday but I could not remember any conversations other than her giving me a comfort feeling. She looks up and says “You know why you’re here. You think you’re crazy, but I have told you over and over you are not. Now you can step up and realize this or this is how you can live the rest of your life here. You have seen things many others have not, murder, suicide, rape, theft, torture, adultery, you’ve been put down and judged by your peers for things they know nothing about. They do not know the truth. Most could not walk in your shoes and lived through what you have and still seek answers or the truth. Your mind was on over load your brain was ready to shut down but your heart and soul were not. Is this you? Is this who you want to be?” And then she was gone.

I had been in that room well over a week, I had lost track of time and then two days later I was released and took straight to the hospital just in time to have one last conversation with my mother. Honestly it wasn’t much she asked if I was ok, told me to go see my girls and that was pretty much it. She was gone. There were many things during these times that happened between my mother and I that I cannot explain or understand why she did certain things to me. I realize I did not know her on a personal level, I know I have broken some of the commandments, and never been a religious man or even a believer at this time but during all my issues and time with my mother I have never cussed at her, I never crossed the line of disrespect in no way to her. There is something to that now that I have started to find my way and see things clear always remember you do not choose your parents and you cannot replace them either. The subject of honoring our parents is one of great importance. It is in both the Old and New Testament scripture. It is one of the highest callings and greatest task we face in life. Now I am not saying I always did what my mother asked me to but I never disrespected her and maybe, just maybe that’s why I have been giving another chance at life.

                                             R.I.P. Mom I love you and miss you everyday

Inside

You have to remember the hard days are what make you stronger. The bad days make you realize what a good day is. You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

4 Walls

There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect.The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.So remember when your building your wall to also build a door.So not only you can escape but you can let loved ones in.There is nothing wrong with going behind your wall sometimes because we cannot learn to be truly happy until we can learn to be happy alone.I think about the many walls that I have built and tore down, and some I have built again. I have learned to be happy and what is important and I have learned family is the most important thing in life. I look at it this way. One of these days I'll be over in a hospital somewhere with four walls around me. And the only people who'll be with me behind those walls will be my family. - Joshua

Trying to Help the Light Shine

Prepare for war brothers and sisters, your nation has been handed into the hands of your enemy, this will affect the multitudes and no one can escape. I warn to prepare now by faith, I warn to prepare now in Jesus your only shelter from the storm, great darkness shall cover the land. Many will be in fear and without hope, lead them to Jesus lead them to their only hope. He is the way, the truth, the life. He has prepared us for this day a place in our Father’s house, have you prepared in him? He is coming quickly to recompense to the earth, this is the time of the harvest, the time of the separation, the wheat and the chaff. Many robes will be made white and ready, prepare your hearts in the Lord, a time of great sorrows is upon you. Jesus is your only place of refuge within the earth.

“Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.” Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and that they may enter the city by the gates. 
Revelation 22:12-14

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.” John 14:1-7

"I do not send the equipped I equip the ones I call. I do not judge man’s ways of judging, for I judge the heart and no man knows the heart, for I see all and know all. I know the things done in hidden places, sin and sacrifice. I do not call on the requirements of skills and strength but I search the hearts of all people. A humble surrendered heart is all I need to do the impossible, to do more than man’s idea of strength and wisdom. I take what is nothing to the world and I shall shame the kings and kingdoms, for my army is within me, they do not stand in flesh and blood but in my power. These are my over comes they laid down their lives for me, I am their power, I am their strength and all their wisdom. No man can stand against my army for they and I are one. I have equipped them in my power and they will go forth in my name, the demons shall flee before them and they shall trample his plans at their feet. 
This is my army, they are my chosen ones, their hearts are pure before me and no lie is found in them, they walk in my truth and their words shall burn all that is not in me. I shall give them my power to judge the nations, to declare my truth and reveal the lies, they shall be hated mocked and scorned, but no man, demon, or power can touch them until their time is finished, for all things will be made new. This earth shall pass away but those in me shall live forever with me, I will reign in victory and all will be made new."

For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” 
1 Corinthians 1:25-31

Let me Help you Awake

                                                      "Awake
                                           Shake dreams from your hair
                                          My pretty child, my sweet one.
                             Choose the day and choose the sign of your day
                                                  The day's divinity
                                        First thing you see."-The Doors 

We all have a lense through which we see the world. As humans the lense we use to interpret and apply ourselves in reality is made up of beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and some might even say, your soul’s essence and the presence of Spirit.

While sometimes it’s hard to see beyond our current range of focus, when we do, often we can gain a glimpse, an understanding and deep sense of self that lands within us. Once it does, it never leaves. It changes it shapes us into who we are. It transforms us from the core, from the inside out.

Understand there is only one God in the Universe, who can be found through his son Jesus Christ but it is also a concept now being proven by quantum physics. We live in a unified field of energy which interconnects everything.

This means that literally the entire Universe, every particle, is conscious. And it’s exponentially evolving. If our entire world embraced this perspective truth, we’d be working for the benefit of each other as Global organism.

If you truly live from a place of Oneness, you will forever be on the path of positive evolution and heartful living.

You are the only person on this planet. Your entire reality is a reflection of you. Every person, every living thing and the entire planet is a direct reflection of you. Interestingly enough, if you change and evolve yourself, reality itself will change. Meaning you can be who you truly want to be. Hmm, I know we have all heard that before. Fractals are ever increasing spirals of uniqueness, that’s what we are, and the entire thing, is One.

Try this perspective on for size, and experience your World change….When you are out today make eye contact with everyone, try smiling and see how many respond back with a smile. Positive energy gives of positive vibes, as does negative energy gives off negative vibes. Its simple mathematics positive + positive = positive. Just like a negative + negative = negative.

Go out and follow your bliss, live for the experience. This doesn’t mean go have fun. I’m saying do and be the things that truly excite you. And by excite you meaning grow you, challenge you, push you in new directions, expand your consciousness and develop you into something great.

To be excited, means to be nervous, joyous and elated. It means to live fully and offering life your energy in this way, as it’s making the effort to provide for you.

Let your conscious awake, look within at ourselves and the realities we can create and immerse ourselves in Faith, understanding. Let God into your heart and let him take control, which means if God is in you than you are in control of your presence at this moment. Break through your resistance, and let your light shine through your walls.

In the Moment

Nature doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. No matter what is happening
in our lives.The truth is that everyone has their drama, small and big, at
different times in their lives and nature doesn’t care and it doesn’t stop. 
Life is what it is and it’s to be lived to the fullest at every moment
because things can change on a dime. This is by no means a gloom and doom
statement. It is actually beautiful and powerful and it can be simple to live
by making every day count and being in the moment. If the moment is
talking to a friend, then let’s dedicate the time to the friend. Let’s
not think about what we need to do after we leave our friend. Let’s be in
the moment. If the moment is making love, let’s not think about what
happened before and what will happen after. Let’s be in the moment and try to
let our body and mind experience every feeling and sensation.
We are so often in a hurry that we miss out on fully experiencing what
happens to us until something tragic happens and we realize that we have rushed
through too much and now have much to regret.
So while nature is selfish and life will continue on no matter what happens
to each one of us, we can make our own lives count by dedicating our journey to
ourselves. Our best friend lives within us, and it is actually
ourselves. We are the only ones who will never leave and will always
hear our thoughts and feelings and know everything that there is to know about
US. So why not give our best friend the best life possible by letting ourselves
truly experience life by being in the moment?
Think about it.

First Love

·        Baseball was my first true love. From the time I was a kid imaging all my favorite players. I would try and bat exactly whoever it was. I even had a mean Julio Franco approach. The game changed for me over the years from little league, to college as a player, and then as a coach for over a decade. The game of baseball has taught me more life lessons than anything else. It has taught me how to deal with failure number one because it is a game of failure. How many other sports could you fail 70% of the time but be considered an all star? Baseball has taught me to never be satisfied with anything in life especially one’s self. You can always improve always work on something. But the one question what do I love about the game the most?? I love arriving to a field before everyone. I love the smell of the fresh cut grass. The silence of the moment but you can still feel the energy that will arrive. The sounds of the sprinkler system spraying. I love seeing a player showing up before everyone to take swings and the sound of the crack of the bat in an empty stadium. I love the family aspect of the game. The smile or joy you can see on a child’s face and notice is the same smile that you can see on a senior citizens face. I love going to games with my son but I cannot wait until the day I get to do the same with my grandson. Looking into the stands and seeing a grandfather and grandson together watching discussing the game has brought smiles and even tears to my face. It is the one sport and part of life, that why everything is evolving around us it remains the same. The game teaches us so much, character, competition, acceptance, humility, confidence, respect, loyalty, brotherhood,   friendship, kindness. The game has brought more people of color, race, or Religion than anything in this world. So why do I love baseball or my one time moment that made me fall for the game? Well I guess I do not have one because I have so many. A memory is made every time a ball is in someone’s hand.  Baseball has been an escape from reality and turned into a reality all at the same time. Being at the ball field is my sanctuary, home, enemy, and best friend. Honestly sitting on field before a game and smelling all the pregame smells of grass, sunflower seeds, hotdogs and the echoes of what about to come is my serenity, my sanctuary, my peace. And peace is what we all are looking for. It's another thing that makes America great its unity it's the only thing that can bring us all together.